


Insomnia

by bisexualpicklewierdo



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: I mean idek, M/M, angstttttttt, best to read at 3am jsyk, sort of fluffy at the end, tj is a good bean™️
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 10:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19828123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualpicklewierdo/pseuds/bisexualpicklewierdo
Summary: Cyrus can't sleep





	1. 3AM

Cyrus stared up at his ceiling, the whole room dark. It was the perfect conditions for a good night’s sleep; melatonin had been taken, electronics downstairs, 3 chapters of a book read.

But he couldn’t sleep

He rolled over onto his side and turned on the light. Luckily, his mom and stepdad’s room was at the other end of the hallway, so they couldn’t see that he was up so late.

It had been like this for a while, insomnia that is. Cyrus always dreaded going to sleep now, because he knew that the sleep would refuse to come. So he had tried reading more, meditation, just about anything. But he knew by now that his body would refuse to sleep until 4 am at the earliest.

He rolled over and checked his clock. _2:38 am._ Soon, the usual 3 am thoughts would creep in.

That was the part of the night that Cyrus dreaded most, the 3 am thoughts. Terrible, horrible thoughts would creep into his mind as silently as a cat and then stay with him for what felt like hours.

_You’re worthless_

_You’re pathetic_

_Who wants to even hang out with you?_

_I bet your friends pray to be busy so that they don’t have to see you._

_He’s never going to like you, you know that right?_

The ones about guys particularly scared Cyrus. When he had liked Jonah, it had been such a lighthearted and simple thing. But now with TJ…

The thoughts always got worse and worse.

_He treats you like garbage_

No, he doesn’t

_You’re his stereotypical “pathetic friend”_

No, I’m not

_Even if he likes guys, why would he like you? You’re such a pathetic human bean. Why would anyone like you?_

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Cyrus curled up into a ball, crying silent tears. He hated this he hated this he hated this

_The world is going to end someday_

_You’re gonna die_

_We’re all gonna die_

_And nobody gives one single fuck_

Stop, please

_Everyone’s going to leave you_

_Nobody likes you_

_Charity case_

_Weak_

_Awkward_

No

Please

_FUCK IT ALL_

“Shut up” Cyrus whispered. “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”

Tears ran down his face

He needed to do something needed to say something needed to GET OUT OF HIS HEAD

He quickly stood up and walked over to his door, opening it slowly, so that nobody would hear. He dashed downstairs and grabbed his phone, then ran back up to the safety of his room. He shut the door quickly, but quietly. He collapsed onto his bed, phone in hand.

But who to text?

Andi? 

No, she had enough drama going on to worry about him not being able to sleep

Buffy?

No, she had to focus on enough things already

Jonah?

No way

Amber?

Not close enough

TJ?

TJ

And even though he knew that it was a bad idea, that he wouldn’t be up anyway, that he would probably think he was weird, Cyrus typed out a quick text. 

**Hey, r u up?**

**I just really need to talk to someone**

The boy pressed send and then proceeded to throw his phone across his room.

Luckily, it landed in a pile of pillows, so no one heard.

_Stupid_

_You're so stupid_

_He’s gonna think you’re so freaking STUPID_

And with that, Cyrus rolled over and closed his eyes, attempting to banish all thoughts of TJ Kippen from his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

However, at approximately 4 am, Cyrus was awoken to a persistent tapping at his window. He rolled over in bed and immediately his brain overloaded, thinking of who, or WHAT could be tapping at his window.

But after that brief moment of panic, Cyrus realized that the fingers were tapping out a familiar tune.

No.

It couldn’t be.

But apparently.

It was.

_Legs go up_

_Legs go down_

_That's how we make the swing go ‘round_

_Drag your feet_

_You’ll go slow_

_The more you drag_

_The less you’ll go_

Cyrus stumbled out of his bed and dazedly walked over to the window. He opened the shutters, and there, in all his 4 am glory, he was. TJ

"Hey Underdog, what's up?"


	2. 4AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus and TJ talk

Cyrus quickly opened his window some more, and TJ quickly crawled inside. He was wearing a faded basketball T-shirt and a pair of old shorts. Cyrus then realized how much of a dork he must look, in his matching dinosaur pj’s. But then his mind snapped back to the elephant in the room.

“TJ, um, hey? What are you doing here?”

TJ looked at him worriedly. “Well, you didn’t sound so great in your texts, and then you weren’t answering. I got worried, so I decided to come over.”

Cyrus was in shock. Never, in his whole life, had one of his friends snuck out of their house, in the middle of the night, just to make sure he was ok.

“Well yeah I’m fine, so you can go home now.” Cyrus decided that it was probably best to let TJ go home. He was probably regretting his decision to come over already. So Cyrus walked over to his pillow pile and sank down into it.

TJ crouched in front of him.

“Cyrus, I mean this in the best possible way, but usually when someone texts someone at 3 am and says that they ‘really need to talk to someone’, they probably aren’t fine.”

Cyrus buried his head in his hands. “I’m really sorry that I texted you TJ, I know it probably wasn’t what you wanted to know.”

TJ sat down to him on the pillows and looked at him intently. With a soft voice, he spoke: “What did I not want to know?”

Cyrus breathed in and out, and noticed, to his horror, that tears were streaming down his cheeks. Oh no.

“That I can never sleep. That I stay up every night just...thinking and that these thoughts are usually terrible but tonight they were worse than they usually were and I had to talk to someone I had to get out of my head and so I texted you and now you know.”

“Now I know what?” TJ asked, nervously

“That I’m...broken. That I suck. That I’m so freaking insecure that I text my friends at all hours of the night and panic when they don’t text me back. That I put on my happy face mask whenever something happens that makes me want to sob in my room. That I get so worked up about every little thing and I just-”

And with that Cyrus started big crying. Full-on sobbing, with the snot and the tears and the hiccups and everything. 

TJ immediately put his arm around his friend and started to rub circles into his back, wondering how Cyrus could even  _ think  _ that about himself. But all he said was “Shhh, shhh. It’s ok Cyrus. I’m here.”

Cyrus eventually stopped crying and looked at TJ with red-rimmed eyes.

“I’m sorry that I’m such a burden.” he croaked out

TJ tilted Cyrus’s chin up. “Cyrus, look at me. You are not a burden, not one bit. And I love you no matter what. Please don’t put on the mask for me, I want to help you. I want you to know that I’m here for you. And I always will be.”

TJ gave him a small smile, and Cyrus gave him a watery one in return. And so they fell asleep like that, Cyrus nestled in TJ’s arm, both sitting on the pile of pillows. And when Cyrus’s mom walked in his room the next morning to wake him up for school and saw them, she simply texted TJ’s mom that, yes he’s here, yes we’ll make sure he gets to school, yes, it looks like he slept well.

And from that day on, whenever Cyrus had a bad dream or a bad thought, TJ was always there. Because romantic love or not, the two boys were best friends first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the angsty fluff! You're welcome
> 
> Tumblr: @marenshipstyrus

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this while I couldn't sleep, and it's sort of about my experiences with insomnia, except Cyrus-ified. Basically, everything is me personified in Cyrus, including the texting, except the person I text usually A. doesn't answer and B. doesn't show up at my house. But I had to make this a little less depressing, so here ya go!
> 
> Tumblr: bi-tyrus-shipper


End file.
